Making Friends With The Inner Critic
Is your head full of “should’s” and “have-to’s”? If so, you are not alone. We all have an Inner Critic hiding inside. A voice that will keep telling us about how things ‘should’ be. It is driven by the part of our brain that is designed to identify what needs to change for our evolution growth, so it is, in fact, trying to help us in its own manner, unhelpful though it may seem.
We often try to shut it up BUT it is a wonderfully healing practice to start a dialogue with this voice instead. If we can think about it like a dysfunctional parent who loves us but is no good at expressing it we can often start to see the nuggets of wisdom it is trying to share. Because (believe it or not) there will always be a nugget of wisdom in there, usually well hidden in the criticism.
For example ….
- It might be screaming at you that “You should have gotten that done yesterday, why didn’t you? You are so lazy, what’s wrong with you, everything is now a disaster… blah blah…” The nugget might be: Perhaps you were being a little lazy and just maybe that is because you are avoiding doing something. If you can quietly recognise that and just have a look at what it is that you are avoiding you can quiet that little voice. It is important not to beat yourself up, just realise you have a pattern that needs to be examined and let go if it no longer works.
- Or maybe there truly was not enough time. And maybe that is a pattern of not allowing yourself enough time to get things done. Or a pattern of always underestimating the time required. Again do not beat yourself up!!! Again just look at that pattern and realise that you are setting yourself up to fail every time you repeat it. Make a plan to break it.
- Or maybe there is a pattern of expectation and perfectionism, again listen, be kind to yourself and start to create new patterns. Lower your expectations, challenge your perfectionism – work on 80% being good enough. (Truth is, your 80% is probably a 98% at least….. 🙂
- Or maybe you were just loving having a lazy day and taking a ‘being’ break. And the voice is screaming from old patterns or belief systems that you no longer adhere too. Celebrate your strength and take time to recognise that once again, you chilled out and no one died. That life goes on and that ‘doing’ was not more important than ‘being’. And notice that very likely today, after that break, you are back in ‘doing’ mode and nailing all the outstanding bits and pieces that needed to get done.
By taking the time to listen, acknowledge and be OK with the wisdom that the Inner Critic is trying to share, that voice starts to quiet down and leave you in more peace. By entering into the conversation we gain the wisdom that it is trying to share, leading to breaking old patterns and growth. The trick is to be able to listen without reacting – just quietly listen and ask yourself – Is that true? And be honest with yourself. It can be interesting to see what comes up!
(And if it that is too hard then you know what you can work on in your next kinesiology session! ~wink!)
******** This was written with the intention of helping you to live your best life, if you want to know more about how I can help you Create The Life You Want To Live please get in touch! *******
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