Continuing on with sharing great articles is the one below on relationships. At the moment, as so many people have been struggling in their relationships, I thought it timely to pass it on. Very often these kinds of issues emerge because old issues have been avoided and need talking about or else there are needs that must be recognised for the relationship to continue to grow.
Fights – or silence – begin to dominate the relationship and the beginning of the end is nigh. But it doesn’t have to be so. The article below speaks of the importance of communication in a relationship and how to start those difficult conversations. One aspect it covers very nicely is remembering that you both have your own perspective and neither is wrong. This concept is essential to healthy communication and is often the first thing to go in our need to be perfect and/or our fear of not being perfect. 🙂
Before you follow the excellent guidance it offers I would suggest you take time to confirm you actually want to be in the relationship. This sounds obvious but if you do not have a deep commitment to your partner and the relationship, stepping forward will be difficult. And once a relationship is in trouble all we can do is step forward – the old is done.
When we stay by default, because we are married, or the kids, or the house or it is just too hard to leave we are in a little bit of denial of our own needs which can actually be the source of the conflict. It becomes very easy to feel trapped or a victim or blameful and almost impossible to talk from a clear and loving place.
So before you talk, do your own work to recommit to yourself, your partner and the relationship otherwise when the conversation gets hard you may find yourself saying things that you will regret. Allow yourself to be wide-minded, circumstances may mean you are recommitting to a radically different relationship than what was. You need to decide if you want that.
Which brings us to deal breakers. Be clear what you cannot do. We do not need to justify a deal breaker, they are the boundaries that we need to stay open, loving and empowered. We may be flexible within them but we still need them so we don’t inadvertently hand our power over and end up feeling resentful or taken advantage of.
And set yourself up for success by getting clear about what you want to say, perhaps write it down so you can work it all out. Writing takes a different part of the brain and can help organise your thoughts.
Finally, choose your time. Be relaxed and clear headed. A bottle of wine is not a good start! If you have done the ‘Aum’ balance with me you may like to do some of those before you start. In yoga they say it is the primordial sound of the universe and so takes us back to our centre. Or do whatever you do to centre yourself – that is always going to be a good place to start. 🙂
Hope you enjoy the read!
All the best, Gay
