Category Archives: Relationships & Self Growth

An eclipse is a time to reset … as the full moon (which signifies our past and all we need to let go) is obscured we get the chance to reset. Then, once the moon reappears, we need to do the work to make that reset concrete.

While magic happens and things can change in an instant, keeping it real involves putting energy into the new positive patterns. As we sit in the ‘Eclipse Season’ these next few months offer a huge opportunity for growth as we redefine our lives in alignment with our insights of who we are and where we need to be. I thought I would share my experience of the eclipse as the next stage of the season, the Solar Eclipse is upon us – which may offer us just a bit more challenge.

As the eclipse last month neared, I was waiting to see how the moon would affect me. I find I am one of those affected quite strongly by the moon cycles. I was feeling wakeful and wild (an old pattern of non-sleeping / non-balance) in the night or so before the eclipse and then I returned to my (now) normal sleeping pattern as the moon progressed into the eclipse. I felt very at peace during the eclipse.

The evening after the eclipse was the Q&A for my Confident Practitioner Program. I look forward to it every week and I was especially excited as we had some new members. And then the technology challenges hit, time, internet, computer…. you name it. I was a frazzled little bee.

Of course I know I ‘should’ just accept it, it was a bit of residual full moon craziness and certainly not a reflection of a usual week or the work I do. But as enlightenment is still eons away I went home caught in a negative spiral of frustration and annoyance aimed directly at myself.

However this year my guiding word is ‘contentment’. I reflect on that seed thought regularly and use the concept as an intention in my yoga and meditation practices. As a result I notice quite quickly when I have forgotten and instead am sitting in a little puddle of discontent.

That night was a perfect opportunity to work with reinforcing the positive pattern of contentment instead of the internal misery delivered by the demon of self judgement. I also knew that I had to resolve it otherwise, as with any guilt and blame process, it would eventually turn outwards and I would end up feeling even worse.

As a bonus I know that every time we shift perspective from anger or judgmental or any type of negative thought to a kinder place we build a stronger self worth and a stronger connection to the best part of ourself, so the motivation for letting it go was was strong. But was it possible to just stop thinking like that? Of course not. Like the elephant in the room our internal demons demand attention. They are powerful beings who know how to bring us down. Difficult thoughts need to be externalised to diminish their power and often there is a wisdom buried within them, simply pushing them away means we miss an opportunity to grow. They will return until we ‘get it’.

I used a process to externalise the demons and help reset and banish those unwanted thoughts.  I was able to find the wisdom within them, This is the process I thought I would share with you that may help you deal with any old demons you are in the process of banishing.

When those old demons take over most of us get pretty annoyed at ourselves. Then we are annoyed that we are annoyed and can end up feeling pretty hopeless – it even starts to feel that no matter how much work we do we will never get anywhere. So on top of berating ourself for the original transgression, we berate ourself for berating ourself for berating ourself. What a cycle!

To stop it I took myself to task. But in a caring parent way. In a kind teacher way. In a good managerial way. Using a gestalt type process I asked “So Gay, what happened there?” “Well, I thought I was really prepared but I wasn’t, this went wrong and then I did that wrong and then blah blah blah.” Excuses, guilt and  embarrassment all came up. Like a little kid – but but but.

Once I had got that out (and it felt good to get it out without the internal judge and jury pronouncing sentence!), I then asked myself “So Gay, obviously this can’t happen again, what are we going to do about it?” And I came up with a set of processes that will take care of most of what went wrong and the rest, well, those will be things outside my control! I felt better and slept well, instead of the old pattern of being awake all night stressing about the situation.

You can try this process anytime you are berating yourself about something that you felt you should have known better about. Externalising your thoughts with kindness, rather than listening to your demons or shutting them down with distractions will help you develop the skill of observing and guiding your life instead of getting caught in the emotional sea. It doesn’t mean you won’t have emotions, it just means you don’t get as lost in the sea unable to sort things out.

This strategy means you step up into a meta position and can look at a situation from a higher perspective and can be used in any aspect of your life. It can be a written or verbal process and can produce profound results. Start by choosing your observer / facilitator roles, for example if it was a business thing – be the best kind of manager. If it was a personal thing – be your own loving and caring parent and teacher.

In this role don’t berate yourself. Ask thoughtful questions, allow venting (excuses, anger, sadness, etc ) and then be interested in finding workable positive solutions. Just like an excellent manager or loving parent. Once you figure them out do your best to put them into place and move on. Spend less time agonising and stressing and just accept that perfection is impossible! <Sigh>

You can do it in a gestalt way – out loud – even moving from chair to chair or you can write it out. Naming each role and taking each side, responding in turn until a solution is found. And then put it into action.

You want to continue until you come to peace with yourself about the situation and (if possible) have a positive workable solution.

The reality is you will probably forget to do this when you are caught in a wild emotional sea. If it sounds interesting, play with it when you do something you are a little bit annoyed about. “Oh I forgot to take my lunch again!”

Instead of being annoyed, calling your self names or moving straight to yet another solution that won’t work explore it. “So what happened here” “I forgot the food, I am such an idiot, it’s such a waste and anyway if the kids just were more organised it would be fine … “ whatever comes up allow it to be and then, once the excuses and guilt and blame are done “What can we try that might work better” and see what comes up. You might well receive a really useful insight about what you can do differently once the emotional charge has been recognised and resolved.

NOTE, this article is intended to provide information and does not replace or substitute for any professional or medical advice. Please seek external help if your thoughts are impacting you on a day to day basis. Learning to manage them is not impossible but your best results will come with expert help, your GP or local mental health hotline can guide you. If you have thoughts of harm towards yourself or others please seek immediate help.