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by Gay Landeta

Some people love change, some hate it but most of us experience mixed feelings about it at some time or another.This is because there are so many factors involved in the actual process that is change, psychological being the most challenging for most of us.

Wikipedia says psychological topics include perception, cognition, attention, emotion, motivation, brain functioning, personality, behavior, and interpersonal relationships. Whew. When you think about it, it becomes fairly obvious that some or many of those areas will be challenged during the process of change.

Very often, once several of those areas are challenged we move into a ‘fight or flight’ reaction to life. Fight or flight means just that – it is a survival mechanism where once we would either fight the sabre tooth tiger or flee. It is useful in our system in short blasts – not so healthy long term.

Futurist Faith Popcorn suggests that during change, the fight or flight response activated by the philological challenges, result in “cocooning” (cutting our self off from all those around us to try to ignore what is happening) or through actively resisting change through negativity, destructive criticism, even sabotage.

Obviously these tactics are not congruent with a peaceful, harmonious and connected life!

In this article I am going to offer you a handful of tips that can take you out of the reactivity of fight or flight and into being pro-active.

Try them, see which work for you and add your own little helpers to the list. Then, when you notice yourself hiding away or becoming negative and obstructional you will have a few tactics up your sleeve!

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1. THINK. Use your intelligence to find out what you need to know to change your perceptions and cope with change.

Often people are stressed by their VIEW of what is happening. The lens through which they are seeing the change take place. If something they need is missing the whole picture starts to feel scary and bang – fight or flight is activated.

One way to deal with this is to notice what you need to know to make things feel better. Figure it out now and then when you are confronted with change you know what to look for to calm reactivity.

Some people need to know the actual details – all the little things. This may feel pedantic however if that is what you need then find out everything you can. Other people are big picture types, they need to know how this change fits into the larger view of life.

In some situations you can satisfy either of these needs quite easily through researching the situation.

Emotionally some people are more focused on them self and what change will mean for them while others cannot be happy unless they are sure those around them are OK in the process.

Again this is something that you can, at times, have some control over. If so, then be aware that this is how you work and soothe yourself by ensuring you or those around you – or both! – are as comfortable as possible in the circumstances.

NB! A key point here is to recognise what you can and cannot control and work only with the things you have control over. If you are getting stressed about (for example) not being able to make everyone happy or knowing the unknowable then you are probably having control issues and you may need to talk to someone to get a new perspective on what is going on.

2. STOP. Make sure you have enough stop time to allow the chaos of change to settle.

Change by nature creates chaos which many people have a fairly low tolerance for. The antidote for that is to create a space of stillness that you can retreat to.

Find time in your life to slow down and relax. While it is often difficult in times of change to relax it is important to make it a priority.

Either dip into the still place within through a good relaxation CD, yoga, a massage or maybe a run in the park or distract yourself from the chaos through the movies, playing rock and roll, watching junk TV or whatever helps you. It doesn’t matter what it is, just do whatever feels the most relaxing at the time.

And ensure you are sleeping. Lack of sleep is one of the biggest issues in 21st century life. You need sleep. It is during sleep we process many of the events of the day and our bodies have the opportunity to rest. Fight or flight activates the adrenals and once they take over sleep can become difficult.

Seek support if you aren’t sleeping; kinesiology, acupuncture, nutritional support, relaxation techniques and hypnotherapy are just a few holistic ways to change your sleep patterns.

3. PRIORITISE. Learn to prioritise what needs to happen. The just do it and feel satisfied.

One of the biggest problems I hear about is the trouble people have prioritising these days – so many competing and compelling things need to get done.

The reality is that most things, left undone, really matter little. It may not get done on time, it may not get done at all, but for most people, no one is going to die if the list is not done!

Take a reality check on your to-do list. Decide the one thing that must get done today and do that. Feel satisfied with that and know tomorrow is another day.

If you have more time you can always choose a second thing. Most people laden down their list with a dozen important tasks trying to fit in that extra one thing. And then when something unexpected happens, wham, the list is blown out of the water and nothing gets done. Stress levels hits the roof.

So make your master to-do list by all means. But on your daily list only put what needs to happen today.

4. FEEL. Recognise that change involves letting go of the old and often unexpected feelings emerge.

Even in the midst of the most exciting and wonderful experience of change their will be a letting go of the old and often feelings, especially those of grief, will emerge.

Many know of the Kübler-Ross stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; however these days it is well recognised that the process of grief is not sequential nor is grief limited to those 5 emotions.

So allow your feelings to have expression, even if it feels incongruent to what is happening. There is a part of you that needs to feel and often once you become still and allow them to be they recede and the excitement of change can again take the fore.

If you feel immersed in grief or sadness and it is not shifting then have a talk with someone who works in the area of grief or get some help in letting go of the past that is hanging on.

5. BE GRATEFUL. Keep a gratitude journal and reflect on it when life is chaotic with change.

Gratitude is a great healer. And keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to support yourself in times of change. It reminds you of everything that you already have that is wonderful in your life and that these things have arrived through the process of change.

We often forget that life is constant change, we just don’t notice how much change takes place without our knowing!

Taking time for gratitude also helps us to remember all we have that doesn’t change and to be grateful for all that is stable in our life.

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Try applying these tips next time you are in the chaos of change, or work with them when times are stable to be ready for the next upheaval!

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