How hard is it when things don’t go according to plan? Especially if you are a perfectionist, it can be incredibly hard to cope with changes that don’t fit the ˜perfect’ picture. Learning to reframe is a great way to change that.
I know, perfectionism is one of my monkeys on my back! Not to mention the control issues that come along with it. Letting go into the perfectly imperfectness of life has been one of my biggest challenges and, as I have settle into it more and more graciously, I have also settled more easily into not knowing and allowing myself to be organised by the universe.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have the odd tantrum – moving from Highgate Hill on top of the home move did trigger such an event that is for sure!But these days I process the frustration and then let it go much more quickly – which makes me feel much less foolish when the perfect unfolding of the new and unplanned becomes obvious.
What causes us to think we can have everything and should know it all?We develop this mistaken belief in response to societies in-put into our perspective.
Everywhere we look, especially on social media, we see the highlights ofWe see people excelling and living the dream as we are living our ordinary existence. We forget that we are looking at others highlights and feel inadequate and wonder what we are doing wrong. We start to believe if only we try harder we can have it all.
This leads to enormous pain, especially when things don’t go according to plan, like when we are sure about something that doesn’t work out.Or we get so committed to a path that becomes too challenging to continue or we just don’t know what the heck we want.
Changes such as this can make us doubt ourself and and the whole purpose of making plans – why bother when they just fall apart?In fact often it is in the falling apart and unknown that a new and more exciting direction emerges and being able to joyfully step into it is the difference between a life of happiness and one of misery and pain.
The ability to reframe is a great tool to use to joyfully step up no matter what the situation.Perfecting the process of reframing means you can let go a little bit more of that perfectionist streak because you can reframe anything into a positive and perfect experience. This is not becoming a Pollyanna or a way to ignore or negate a learning situation, but a useful way to integrate those more challenging learning times and leave the pain in the past.
A reframe takes an experience, whether it is an event or an emotion or thought, and changing the perspective.Reframing is not pretending it didn’t happen or making it into something it wasn’t but it is looking at the situation from different viewpoint. Done well, it can change memories and our experiences into more positive experiences which will in turnÂ increase our self esteem and self regard.
How to Reframe?
This is best done in a written form so you can re-read your reframed experience and override the old memories.Research shows it is best approached in 2 – 3 minute bursts to stay positive and not get bogged in the old thoughts. For example I did this on my finances a number of years ago. I realised one day that I had definite perspective of lack – not abundance. Yes, it was an actual experience however I was enmeshed in a even worse negative perspective.
I wrote out my experience with money with all its attendant beliefs.Some that emerged were interesting, such as being bad with money and being afraid I would end up with nothing just struggling to survive. As I spent time re-writing my experiences I saw that in fact I was incredibly good with money especially to accomplish all I had and that the life I had created actually gave me enormous abundance in many, many other areas.
As I re-read and practiced this new perspective it gradually became my actually viewpoint.As it did my income and abundance automatically transformed to match it. I still don’t earn the big bikkies but I truly don’t lack in anything. I feel incredibly lucky in my life and make financial choices that support me but don’t limit me.
You can do this same process with anything, a partner, a childhood, redundancy, anything!Of course you don’t do this to make something that is unhealthy or toxic OK – but once something is done there is no need to hold onto old pain.
There is something useful or positive in everything.For example living on little made me very resourceful, it developed my ability to cook with whatever was around (which I love doing!) and repurpose anything which opened up a whole new aspect of my creativity. This process is a very empowering way to change your life.
Start with something easy and play with the process and feel free to get in touch if you are stuck or need a bit of support.And do feel free to share – I love to hear a good re-frame!
Copyright 2016 Gay Landeta This article has been written with the intent of helping you to create the life you want to live. All right reserved.
BTW, If you haven’t down loaded my free ebook you may like to do that. I also developed my on-line programs to help you figure this stuff out so you can learn to let go and create a life you love. To have a look click here.