may 25, 2009

How many times do I hear “all men /women are untrustworthy….” in response to a bad situation, or even a pattern of situations…..

And how many times have I been guilty of the sneaky delight of feeling a victim of my misery?

It is a very good idea to question the ‘all’ in a statement. Often we mean ‘some’. think about it – change the statement to “some people are untrustworthy” – doesn’t that seem less devastating and more mundane. Maybe even no big deal. That person was a creep, right, but – in the scheme of things no biggie.

Now add in the actual situation – ie “some people I meet on the internet are untrustworthy”. Doesn’t that minimize it even more!

How about “last week I met someone untrustworthy on the internet” - wow – now there is even hope for next time!

Martin Seligman, talks about this concept of self imposed pessimism and misery in his book Learned Optimism: How to Change your Mind and your Life.
You can even fill in a questionaire (in the link below) to find out if your thinking is leading you down the path of unnecessary misery
http://www.stanford.edu/class/msande271/onlinetools/LearnedOpt.html

So practice reframing your thinking – make it specific, temporary and not about you and see if life looks a little brighter!

cheers, for now!

Gay